Andre Agassi's Vegas Nights  

After his doubles disaster with Bjorn Bjorg , Andre decides partner a  rotund Mark Keil . Having won the first round in the godforsaken Indian open , Mark is overcome with emotion and drinks himself into toxic shock . Meanwhile Andre has a gun in his mouth after having also lost in the singles to a cramp ridden Andy Murray .

Neighbours  

Much to Lou's distress , Harold opens a leather and chains gaybar in the ruins of Lou's Place . Meanwhile Paul Robinson plots to divert a major river into Ramsey street and turn it into a necrophilic fantasy land .

Suspecting Data of cheating at poker , Warf grabs him by the shoulders and tears his head off , smashing it against Wesley Crusher's meak frame . Dishonour and shame fall upon Warf as Picard demotes him to emptys collector in Guinan's bar .

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More eminent goings on from the twist familly . The prodigious Bronson yet again causes uproar when he is found on the beach defficating into ashen faced sunbather's sandals .

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We follow tv gaudy man Jasper Carrot as he lets us in on the secret to his emaciated state ; his diet consists solely of cocaine .

Stereo

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In a bid to stop his waining popularity , ex boxer Frank Bruno has taken to the streets in a David Blaine style , except rather than banal magic tricks , Frank punches members of the public full force in the face . Anyone left standing gets £100 prize .

Having pissed his robes , Old Ben Kenobie is carried home from the pub by a whining Luke . Han's attempt to sell Ewoks into slavery ends in bestialic disaster , meanwhile Chewbacca gets his fur tangled in R2-D2's lock openeing device amid screams of "jive ass nigger" from Lando .   

Late night spin off from the supererogatoryilly dizzying kids show "Zap"  . Tonight the scatterbrained Lilly drowns 2 children in a paddling pool after a stint as a baby sitter goes horridly wrong . Featuring a guest apperance by Neil Buchanan as Auguste Rodin .

Late night pseudo-rape comedy pannel show hosted by Phil Collins .