The Arena Of The Unwell

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6.30
Andre Agassi's Vegas Nights  
After accidentally picking up a transexual hooker , Andre decides the best thing he could do is to get hold of a gun . While staying at the Tangiers Casino , Pete Samprass is fatally wounded by a mysterious gunman .

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7.00
Neighbours  
Whilst under the influence of a Heroin and cocaine cocktail , Carl decides to cut David up with a surgical knife . Meanwhile , Harold gets sued by Baskin Robbins after re-naming the coffee shop to "Baskin Lesboss-Island"

7.35
Rickman's Rugger Re-Hab    
We follow film star and socialite Allan Rickman as he tries to help Caimbridge and Oxford students suffering from seveere cocaine addiction . Things go badly wrong in his first week as he reverts to his "Hans Grueber" character and screams at horrified toffs in a German accent .  
Subtitles 888

8.00
Total Recall
Political/fly on the wall documentarry . We follow Californian Govenor Arnold Schwarnegger as he hunts down would be impressionists that haunt him by sending tapes telling him to "get your asss to mars" . 
Subtitles 888

8.30
Nasty Nick
We follow ex-Eastenders star John Altman as he lives up to his "Nasty Nick" character by beating elderly women into doing deeds of a highly taboo and sexual nature .
Stereo

8.15
Hammer Time
Really obscure and pointless mid-90's cartoon obscuration of the life and times of rap star MC Hammer . Including scenes of metamorphosis and a soundtrack that begs to be muted .
Stereo

9.00
Tin Tin
Classic screen adaptation of the popular Belgian comic strip and cartoon Tin Tin . Starring a typically drunken and loutish Lee Marvin as Captain Haddock , and a young Rick Mayall as Tin Tin . Also watch out for an Emmy Award Winning performance by Oliver Reed as The General , and Humphry Bogarde as The Thompson Twins . (1975)
Sterero , Subtitles 888

10.45
Supermarket Weightloss    
Extremist game show in which Dale Winton forces members of the public round a supermarket with him strapped to their backs whilst he screams a mryiad of "eat but don't cheat!" and "next time you hear the beep think , of the fun you could be having on supermarket sweep , you muther fucking cunts!" .

11.15
Niles
Niles nearly kills himself during a weightlifting session , so in revenge he locks the gymnasium door and gasses to death all of it's gold card members . Meanwhile an ashen faced Frasier visits only to see the rapid decline in Niles' metal health .

11.45
Boys Don't Cry
Fly On The Wall documentarry starring square jawed yolkell Hilllary Swank as she visits texan solely gay high school for a fearfull insight into how such an abomination is allowed to go on in George Bush's own back yard .

12.15-Close
Breif History Of Electropop  
Professor and Simpsons star Steven Hawkings describes in eye wateringly drollfull stutters and electronic beeps , his version of events that led to the creation of "Electropop" music . Includes interviews with Yazoo , Yazz, and a world weary Gary Numan , who at one stage decided to remix "Cars" with the voice of his host , Steven .

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