Andre Agassi's Vegas Nights  

Having been cleared of the manslaughter of John Travolta , Andre reutrns to Las Vegas to find himself a companion ape . Uninviting scenes as Samprass the ape tears a visiting Tim Henman's ear off .

Neighbours  

Tragedy as would be weighlifter Boyd is admitted to hospital when an inebriated Carl prescribes massive dosses of anabolic steroids . Meanwhile a tear sodden Lou admits to Harold his love of hardcore homosexual S and M , with unexpected consiquences .

We follow TV burnout Richard Bacon as he shouts in an astutely proper voice "Fuck you cunt!" at random members of the public , with hillarious and sometimes grim reactions .

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We follow "Posh Nosh" star Richard E Grant as he downs relevant bottles of spirits and reads aloud Sheakspear plays in inner city shopping malls . This week Richard fumbles over his lines in King lear , and resorts to an ugly mixture of adlibbing and quoting from Mrs Doubtfire.

Subtitles

Late night version of the popular daytime show "Richard And Judy" . Tonight Richard is punched across the brow everytime he agitates the guest and speaks over their answer to his last question with yet more fast paced irrelevant ill-connected questions .

Stereo

Gripping documentary film following actor John Hurt as he examines the effects of living on a diet of nothing but alchohol for a month . Also following famous TV chef Keith Floyd's efforts as he battles to sue numerous companies for his alchoholic condition . (2005)

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Celebrity reality show set in the Bolivian mountains and Hosted by Roland Rivron . This week sometimes TV guest and Radio host Colin Murray has his throat set upon by angry ants in an attempt to rid him of his unbearable , Northern Irish , disgustingly strained and spat out accent .

Niles loses patience when a unforgivingly obeese Norm demands his arse wiped . Meanwhile Marty has his hand gnawed to the bone by a conversation starved Eddie .

An update of the popular early 90's childrens TV show in which Max Headroom would trap children in an elevator whilst mumbling computer jargonised sentances at them interspersed with terrifying judders and image break up . This show focusses on the unbearably frightening and poorly remembered part of the show in which children had to escape a horrific dark knight in chess like moves .

Professor and Simpsons star Steven Hawkings describes in old time American country style electronic spitoon fired beeps , his version of events that led to the career of "Johnny Cash" . Includes a false as you like interview with seemingly bimbosling air head Dolly Parton , and a rant of absolute drivell from I'll say I like anyone to get on TV "funny man" Phil Jupitus .