Andre Agassi's Vegas Nights  

Andre gets his fingers and thumbs broken after running up a $100,000 debt at the "wheel of fortune" in Tangiers Casino . Guest appearance by frantically boring Nicholas Cage .

Neighbours  

Violence errupts when Carl asks Toady "when did you actually study law ?" . Meanwhile Lou is garroted by a runaway mechanic hedge cutter whilst he stalks Sky .  

Dramatic full colour digitally restored footage of previously unseen , and eventually un-used Nazi inventions . Tonights show focusses on "Un-Kosher Food" , meals that the Nazi's wrongly beleived would kill Jews on contact with their stomachs .

Subtitles 888

Subtitles 888

Reality Tv show in which singer/actor Meat Loaf prowls the streets of Soho in search of prostitute seeking married men , whom he then captues and subjects to Abu Grade style torture .

Stereo

Yet more reality tv . This time centering around Steven Fry as he rides round London hanging out of a limozine sunroof , swinging a 12 foot broadsword at anyone that fails to scream "Ruhbarb" at him .

Stereo (PG 12)

Some would say unrequired , obscured re-make of the dismal and sacraligious Stanley Kubrick film of the same name . Robert Carlile stars as Humbert Humbert , an overtly savage peodaphile in 50's America . Steve Martin co-stars as Claire Quilty , while Haley-Joel Osment in his first transexual role is outsanding as Lolita .(2005)

Sterero , Subtitles 888

Game show in which two celebs voted for by the public and dragged out of their bed in the middle of the night must fight to the death in a purpose built arena called "Thunderdome" to the music of Tina Turner and the chants of "two men enter , one man leaves" . This week the public voted for Hugh Fernly Whittingstal and Simon Le Bon .

Niles guns down a local mechanic after his car is accidentally "blinged-up" . He is helped out by estranged bar owner and freind of his brothers' Sam Malone . Guest starring Ted Danson .

Having shot to fame on "Celebrity Shiters" , Domic Diamond decides to revive the GamesMaster show , except unusually he will only be featuring games that are available fot the Sega Dreamcast . Featuring the facial likeness of Patrick Stuart , voiced by Lenny Henry .

 

Hideously pixelated pornography , acompanied by dreadful "Muzack" .